Life TherapyTM
Psychotherapy & Coaching + Mindfulness & Meditation

Feeling Unsettled: How to deal?

Feeling unsettled? You are not alone. Most people have an underlying feeling of unsettledness that they don’t know what to do with.
My theory is that people are like cars. For a car to function properly, we need to fill its tank with gas. Likewise, in order for a person to feel balanced, grounded, calm, and happy, their “Love Tanks” need to be full.
When our love tanks are empty, we don’t feel good. We feel sad, lonely, anxious, stressed, down, and often simply empty. These feelings are generally uncomfortable, so our natural response is to find a quick fix to feel better.  We go find something (or someone) to fill up the tank: food, alcohol, people, sex, work, cigarettes, shopping, even exercise. We seek temporary relief from the discomfort of an empty love tank. What we often don’t realize is that whenever we fill our love tanks with external things that aren’t our own love, we are actually making the tank more empty, and harder to fill in the long run.
So how do we fill our own love tanks?
This one is a bit obvious, yet often misunderstood.

Answer: LOVE

How do we actually give ourselves love?
The same way we give love to a child, we unconditionally accept everything that we are, all the good stuff and the not so good stuff. We are kind, gentle and soothing to all parts that arise within us. Sounds simple right? Unfortunately not. Most of us have spent our lives rejecting and trying to distract ourselves from anything that is uncomfortable inside. This ultimately means that we spend our lives temporarily filling our love tanks with things that aren’t our own love.  It’s a common tendency that takes time and effort to unlearn.

A few simple steps to start filling your own love tank:

1) If you have an uncomfortable feeling inside, notice if you reject and dislike it, and try to distract yourself from it.
2) Stop and sit with the uncomfortable feeling and acknowledge that it is ok and natural for it to exist within you.
3) Breathe deeply and kindly into the feeling and see what happens…

Clearly this is a process that requires more than a blog post, so if you are ready to learn more about how to fill your love tank watch my videos below, or contact me here.

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