I’m here to help you communicate better with your partner. Today’s tip is: Use “I” words, not “you” words.
Whenever you’re talking to somebody, with your partner, or anyone else, you need to make sure that you’re using the word “I.”
“I like this, I feel this, my experience is this.”
The second you say “you” people feel defensive, so it’s fundamental that your language is always “I” statements. Catch every time you use “you” and switch it.
“You did this” turns into “I felt this when this happened.”
In that way, you take away the blame, you stop pointing fingers, and all of sudden the person you’re talking to is more open to receiving what it is that you have to say, because every time someone hears the word “you,” the natural response is not to listen.