Everyone talks about the importance of being grateful, but no one tells you how to actually do it.
Here’s my unusual, yet truly helpful tip.

 
Say “so what.”
So what if my kids want to wear their pajamas to school, so what if I’m late, so what if my boss gets angry… whatever your “so what” is. Whatever it is that you are fearing, that you are anxious about, uncomfortable with, or that causes drama in your head – say “so what.”
Because, in the grand scheme of things, when you realize that this moment could be your last and that every moment you have is a gift, it puts life into perspective, and you realize that small, everyday things don’t actually matter.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do these things, and that they don’t matter in our life, but that the amount of anxiety, pressure, fear, and discomfort that we put on ourselves for something that is insignificant, doesn’t do anyone a service. It does us all a big disservice.
So, hopefully, you find that helpful. Say “so what.”

Today’s parenting tip is about how to cultivate confidence in your child.

 
We all want to raise confident children, but when we think about confidence, what is confidence really? It’s not knowing everything, but it’s this subtle understanding of oneself and your ability to learn and grow, and being willing to see your positive features, feeling really proud and comfortable with who you are, but also knowing the areas where you are challenged, where you can grow and learn, and being comfortable with that too.
So there are a few key phrases that you can say to your children in order to create this blueprint for how they’re going to interact in the world. It’s really important to realize that your voice becomes their inner voice. How you talk to them will turn into how they talk to themselves.
A confident person says things to themselves like: “I can do anything I put my mind to,” or “it doesn’t hurt to ask,” or “what did I learn from this situation?” We have to think about the ways in which we’re fostering a sense of growth, learning, and positive reinforcement, seeing all the ways in which we’re awesome, but also seeing all the areas where we need to grow. Every time there’s a challenge, it’s a fun opportunity to grow. We don’t have to see it as good versus bad.
I love this example: a kid comes and takes the milk carton out of the refrigerator, and they’re pouring it, and it gets all over the place. The parent could either come and say: “what are you doing” or they could come in and say “was that what you intended to do?” And after the kid says “no,” the parent could say “okay, well why don’t we try this again.” And then the parent takes them over to the table, shows them how to hold the milk carton, and encourages them to try again. In that way, the parent is cultivating confidence in their child. They’re not telling them what they did wrong, but they’re actually teaching them how to learn, and how not to be scared to try new things. And then the kid has to help the parent clean up the milk, realizing that they’re responsible for cleaning up their messes too.
 

Today I have another tip for how to communicate better with your partner. Ready for this one? It’s another good one.

 
Another word that you should not use when you are communicating is “but.” Take “but” out of all of your communications.
So if you are starting, and you say “I love you, but” or “that makes sense, but” what happens? The first part of your sentence all of the sudden means nothing, and you’re only focusing on the second part of your sentence.
So instead of “but” use the word “and.” “I love you, and this is what I’m going through.” “I love you, and this is my experience.”
Whatever your point is, get it across by taking out “but” and replacing it with “and.”

Here’s another tip for parenting. You ready? This one is good one.

 
Listen. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.
Stop talking, close your mouth, pay attention, and listen. We do all of this thinking about what needs to be done, when we should just listen to our kids. What are their needs? What are they trying to say? If it’s a baby, pay attention. Listen not just with your ears but with with your senses, with your experiences.
There is actually an amazing tool that I found as a new mom called Dunstan Baby Language, which essentially says that all babies have a physiological response when they have different physical needs, and if you can listen to what those needs are, then you can address the needs before they start crying. With my first one I was a little late, but with my daughter, my second one, I used it from the beginning and I don’t think I heard her cry for the first six months of her life. For example, if you hear the sound “eh” that means “burp.” But as new parents all we think is that they want milk, or we don’t exactly know what they want. So Dunstan Baby Language was really helpful.
In general, the idea of listening is understanding that a person is having their own experience in their own world, and you need to get out of your head and figure out what is going on in their world. Put yourself in their shoes. Understand that, of course they don’t want to go to sleep, of course they don’t want to brush their teeth, of course they don’t want to eat their vegetables, of course. That makes sense.
And when you can listen, then all of the sudden you have some more compassion for what it is that they’re experiencing, and when you have compassion, you have connection, and that just makes everything smoother.