Life TherapyTM
Psychotherapy & Coaching + Mindfulness & Meditation

What are the Components of Everlasting Love?

One of my viewers recommended this New York Times Article article The Happy Marriage is the “Me” Marriage. (Thank You!) It discusses the components of sustainable love. Overall, it suggests that if you find a partner who challenges you and helps you grow to be better person, in addition to enhancing your life experiences, you will feel more satisfied in your relationship long term. Here are some of the highlights I found:

  • “A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.”
  • “For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.”
  • “…studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.”
  • “To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? (Take the full quiz measuring self-expansion.)”
  • ‘If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,’ ….’And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself,’ says Dr. Lewandoski.
  • “The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love.”
  • …”It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.”
  • “Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were…less likely to report boredom. ‘People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,’ Dr. Lewandowski says. ‘If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.’ “

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