Here’s another tip for how to communicate better with your partner.
One word that you should never, ever use with your partner is the word: “why.”
Do not say “why.” Do not ask your partner, or anybody for that matter, why did they do something or why did something happen. Don’t use “why” in any context because when you say “why,” how does it make someone feel? Defensive.
We need to think about being lovingly curious, because why is confrontational and it makes people feel defensive. When we use lovingly curious language such as: “is there any particular reason you did that,” or “what was going on that made you do that,” or “I’d like to understand better where that came from,” we’re trying to actually listen to the other person, and the sentiment is coming across that our intention is to understand.
But when we say “why” it feels like our intention is to prove our point, and not actually understand what the other person has to say, which creates disconnect in communication.