I’m here to help you communicate better with your partner. Today’s tip is: Use “I” words, not “you” words.
Whenever you’re talking to somebody, with your partner, or anyone else, you need to make sure that you’re using the word “I.”
“I like this, I feel this, my experience is this.”
The second you say “you” people feel defensive, so it’s fundamental that your language is always “I” statements. Catch every time you use “you” and switch it.
“You did this” turns into “I felt this when this happened.”
In that way, you take away the blame, you stop pointing fingers, and all of sudden the person you’re talking to is more open to receiving what it is that you have to say, because every time someone hears the word “you,” the natural response is not to listen.
Here’s another parenting tip for you. Today we’re going to talk about drama. This tip is really, really important, and a little deep if you’re ready to go with me.
People don’t like to talk about mortality. It’s a taboo topic. It makes everyone uncomfortable, but it’s real. The only thing that’s guaranteed in this world is that you’re gonna die, and I’m gonna die. That’s it. I’m a beautifully happy positive person, and this is not meant to be negative. It’s just meant to put things in perspective.
When you have that in the forefront of your head, when you know that nothing is guaranteed, that you don’t necessarily get to wake up tomorrow, that your kid doesn’t necessarily get to wake up tomorrow, that this life that you’re given isn’t necessarily gonna be there, that things can just be gone in a moment, then you can live more fully. I know better than anyone, my mom died in a car accident.
When you can live with that awareness and keep mortality right there at the corner of your mind, not to fear it, but to have a bigger perspective of what actually matters, then it doesn’t matter if your kid wants to wear their pajamas to school. You don’t have to create drama out of little, insignificant things, because in the grand scheme of things, none of it matters. So then you can enjoy more, then you can play more, then you can live more, because you know that every moment you get is a gift.
“Today I woke up, how amazing!” Something like that!
So hopefully you found this helpful!
A lot of times people connect peak performance with exercising, or training, or a marathon, or something physical, right? Nowadays, there’s also movement towards peak performance in business.
But what about peak performance in your life, in your relationships, in who you are at home? You put all this energy into a world outside of your home, but then when you come home how do you show up for your family?
Essentially when you think about it, you never hear anyone say: “I don’t need to exercise, I’ll be fit forever.” It’s not a thing. You understand that it takes consistency and effort to take care of your body, you need to exercise, and you need to eat healthy.
The same goes for your mental, emotional, spiritual state. We don’t just show up good. We don’t just wake up happy. It takes effort and it’s a muscle that we need to build as well. That goes for your feelings, and for your thoughts, and for your body.
What I like to do is I call it an inner workout. So we do an outer workout for our body, but how do we strengthen these skills on the inside? What it is that I do is create that inner workout for you. We learn the skills to strengthen your mind and deal with your feelings, so that you have the skills and the strategies that you need to be able to take care of yourself from the inside out. So, when you’re ready for your inner workout let me know and I got you.
Heather Monahan is the bestselling author of “Confidence Creator,” business expert, and public speaker represented by “The Harry Walker Speaker Agency,” the most elite speaking agency in the US, which represents the Obamas and the Clintons among many other world leaders, business icons and best-selling authors. She is also the CEO and founder of “Boss In Heels” and, most importantly, a mom.
Coming from very humble beginnings, growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts, Heather graduated from Clark University and began a career in sales, quickly advancing to top salesperson and Brand Manager within her first year in corporate America. Her career started in the wine business, and continued at Wilks Broadcasting as a salesperson in radio. Within a year, she was offered equity partnership, and within three years, she more than doubled the group’s value. Heather then moved to Naples, Florida to begin working for Beasley Broadcasting where she started as a Director of Sales.
After one year of substantial revenue results, she pitched herself for a position that didn’t previously exist and was awarded the VP of Sales title for the company. Over the next few years she pitched herself for and was awarded the newly created Executive Vice President of Sales role and ultimately the Chief Revenue Officer title.
During this time Heather launched her personal brand to empower others and give them the insight and tips she had longed for as a young professional. After numerous speaking engagements and awards, including a recognition as one of the Most Influential Women in Radio in 2017, she was unexpectedly terminated.
Faced with the choice to go back to her comfort zone or take a leap of faith and pursue her passion to elevate others, Heather chose to make her company “Boss In Heels” her full time job. She wrote and self-published her first book “Confidence Creator,” which launched as the #1 New Release on Amazon. As part of “The Harry Walker Speaker Agency,” she speaks at summits and for numerous brands. She is the recipient of the “Star Dust” awards from the Starz Foundation, recognizing her work to elevate others after overcoming adversity.
Heather and I sat down to discuss everything, starting from her termination in 2017, and her decision to take a leap, write a book and build her own brand. She shares a few concrete tips on how to handle being fired and similar difficult situations in life. Heather continues to discuss the importance of frequency and how it can bolster a person to success. She also talks about the strength that a person can get from reframing their thinking and focusing on their own beliefs.
Watch this inspiring talk here:
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